Swimsuit Struggles Are REAL!

Well, it’s mid-April already, which means that the racks of my favorite retail stores are starting to be filled with my arch nemesis – the swim suits. My family has a long tradition of vacationing along the Gulf of Mexico, so my feud with swim suits has been a lifetime one. When I was 15 or 16, I was so scrawny that bathing suit shopping made me angry because the cute ones were for girls with boobs. Now that I’m adult and my body is no longer of toothpick proportions, swim suit shopping has created new and more offensive challenges. Here are a few of the struggles that I’ve endured since trying to find a swim suit for our Tybee vacation this summer…

1.       Why the heck is everything neon? No one looks good in radioactive lime green. Also, this girl in the dressing room trying this thing on is obviously not old enough to remember the first time that neon reared its ugly head. Maybe that’s why she thinks hot orange and hot pink look cute together…? Maybe she’ll also crimp her hair while she wears it. Seems only appropriate.

2.       WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STRINGS?! What ties to what? I just want to be able to pull these things on like underwear, not try to figure out how it all fits together first. I AM NOT AN ENGINEER! I’m not prepared for this level of complicated design.

3.       <Picks up Triangle bikini> This would only cover my nipple. The side boob would just be so ridiculous.

4.       If I buy a swimsuit with an underwire, is it going to look like I’m just wearing a bra? I kind of think it looks like a bra. I’m going to the beach with my parents, I can’t wear something that looks like actual underwear. 

5.       Oooooh! I like this one. It’s cute, it’s nautical, it covers the necessary bits… looking for a small bottom… medium, medium, large, extra large. <insert sting of expletives>

6.       This one would be alright... they have my size in the bottoms… <looking through rack of tops> small, small, large, large, extra large. Son of a…!!!!!

7.      I finally find a swimsuit to try on. Go change in the dressing room and this… Dear God… I look like an idiot. I can’t wear this. Also, I have got to go get a spray tan. I probably should’ve done that before trying these things on. Ugh… get this off of me.

8.       Leaves store with low self-esteem and anger issues.

So I restart the search online. And it went a little something like this…

1.       DOES ANYONE MAKE SWIM SUITS FOR PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 21?!?!?!? I can’t wear this crap! I don’t want skulls on my nipples or fringe everywhere. And what is this high waisted trend? It’ll make my butt look even bigger than it already is.

2.       Let’s check the J.Crew site. It’s the one store that never fails me. So wait… the top of the suit is $60 and the bottoms are also $60?! I’m only going to wear this thing for a week. J.Crew, what is wrong with you? There’s not even enough fabric to warrant this to cost $120.

3.       Sale on sale. EXCELLENT! Maybe I can find a suit for cheap in the sale stuff. Everything is all mixed up, how do you know which top goes with which bottoms? Okay, saw the sailboat bottoms, where’s the top? Okay, no top to those. Next…

4.       I’m just going to start putting the things I can find in my size into my cart. That’ll help me find matching pieces. <opens cart> Is there seriously ONLY one suit that has both the top and bottom in my sizes?! I don’t even wear the same size top and bottom, how is this possible?!

5.       Swim suit ordered! Well that took WAY too long.

Eventually my swimsuit comes in and it has ZERO padding. If I get cold on the beach (not that being cold happens very frequently on the beach), I'm going to be able to cut through glass with my… well… you know.So I ship that one back, head to Victoria's Secret and have another repeat of my experience shopping a few days before. Eventually I just got so mad that I decided to go buy a cheap bathing suit from Old Navy that would just suffice for the week. It just has to cover the important bits after all, and I can wear a cover up most of the time anyway. 

To my shock and amazement, the Old Navy swimsuits were actually pretty adorable and had padding for those of us who are busty (you gotta have something to keep them where you want them). I tried on 2 swimsuits while i was there and both fit very well and were also really flattering. I eventually decided on the polka dot Marilyn Monroe style suit and was even more pleased with myself when my total for BOTH the top and bottom was $30. So ladies, if you're struggling to find the perfect suit while still maintaining a budget, you might take a look at Old Navy. 

Besides my suit, these are a couple of other Old Navy suits that caught my eye. Super cute, right?!

Happy suit hunting, y'all!

Things I love! {Kettlebell Edition}

Lately my life anthem has been Ms. Britney Spears' song "Work B*tch". Every time it comes on my playlist, that line "look hot in a bikini" gets me going. Britney knows me so well, because I DO want to look hot in a bikini. And since I'm probably never going to live in a big mansion or party in France, then I'm gonna "work b*tch" for a hot body… and hopefully just in time for my vacation to Tybee Island, GA this summer!

Enter my husband – Crossfit extraordinaire and man beast. He’s been doing Crossfit for ages and finally convinced me that I needed to do some WODs with him (for the Crossfit illiterate like me, that means “workout of the day”). So I participated in his WODs for a day or two before retreating back to my T25 DVDs (I so love Shaun T). During one of our WODs, my attempt at pull-ups was the most amusing thing for my husband and quite possibly the most embarrassing thing ever for me. It went something like this…

Hubs: Try to do a pull-up.

Me: …. <groans>

Hubs: Did you try to do a pull-up?

Me: Yes, did you not see my struggle?!

Hubs: Okay, try a flexed arm hang. <demonstrates flexed arm hang like a boss>

Me: <hangs like a retarded chimpanzee, zero flexed arm>

Hubs: <laughing> Okay, let’s try something else.

Crossfit is not for the weak spirited or anyone who values the use of their limbs. However in the midst of me trying to WOD, my husband bought me a kettlebell. In all sincerity, the kettlebell workouts were the only part of my WOD that I liked. There is something magical about kettlebells. The workouts are hard, but not unbearable, and at the same time your ENTIRE body is doing major work. {On a side note, can we all just laugh for a minute at the word WOD? Every. Single. Time. someone says it, I die laughing like a 12 year old who made a poop joke.}

In March I started running, but almost immediately destroyed one of my knees. I so badly wanted to be a runner, and I really enjoyed it, but my body (devil knees) just couldn’t handle it. So my husband started trying to modify my WODs so that I could exercise without feeling like a complete dumbo and that wouldn’t injure my knee any further. One of the things we started incorporating was the kettlebell because… well… I didn’t hate it. I started out doing shorter workouts with lots of repetitions of the same moves. Then last night, at the suggestion of one of my fellow kettlebell loving friends, I tried the Jillian Michaels kettlebell workout on the BeFit YouTube channel. Holy criminy, y’all. It was a mix of cardio and kettlebell, and it was AWESOME! It was only 25 minutes and once I was done, I felt like the baddest b*&^% on the block (bring it, Britney).

Just so y’all know, I’m not what one would call strong. In fact, I have tiny baby arms. I look like no muscle ever actually formed on my bones. I can’t even open pickle jars without assistance. So the fact that I was able to do this kettlebell workouts is 1. Amazing and 2. Inspiring! If my baby bird arms can do this work out, then I truly think anyone can do it. Not to say it’s not challenging… it is, but it’s also very effective. I woke up this morning with sore abs, legs and arms, and I burned enough calories to eat a small bowl of S’mores ice cream. WINNING! So if you have considered getting into kettlebell workouts, I say GET IT, GIRL. 

Kettlebells are relatively inexpensive, plus you can buy them individually or in a pack so that you can easily move up to the next weight once you’ve mastered the lower weight level. I use a 15 pounder that my husband lovingly calls my "baby bell"… he uses some obscenely heavy bell from hell. It's inhuman how much that man can lift. Anyway, 15 lbs seems to be a good weight for me and I'm 5'3", 130 lbs, but I do suggest that most people who are just starting out grab a bell a little below that. Not sure what size you need? Hit up almost any sporting goods/athletic gear store and they’ll have some out for you to pick up and test out. 

Here’s a link to a 30 lb set that I found online at Academy Sports. Also, added bonus, they are gray and pastel colored! Let’s be honest, you would look totally adorable swinging these things around.

http://www.academy.com/shop/pdp/cap-barbell-3-piece-kettlebell-set/pid-140605?N=856087419&Ntt=kettlebell&Ntk=All

And here's the Jillian Michael's kettle bell workout that kicked my rear end last night… disclaimer: I did this workout last night, wrote 90% of this post this morning, then at about 2:00pm the real soreness creeped in. Be careful on how much weight you use or you'll be like me at 2:00, trying to ease your butt out of your office chair like your 90 year old grandma.

If you decide to try out the kettlebell workout, let me know how you like it! Happy training, y’all!

Just so y'all know...I'm Back!

Well, I suppose it's been 2 years too long. A few things to catch you up on since my oh-so-long hiatus from the blogging scene.

1. I have two new additions to my family. Charlie, who is now a year and 3 months old, and Grace who is almost one. They're my fur babies and probably 99% of the reason that I haven't been blogging. Raising 2 puppies simultaneously is challenging chaotic. Charlie is a German Shepherd and Grace is a chocolate lab (lovingly known as Little Chocolate, because bless her heart, she's half the size of Charlie).

My little nuggets!

2. My husband went back to being full-time Army. This creates it's own new struggles and chaos, but it was a great opportunity and it's given us a lot more freedom financially. In fact, this year we are actually getting to take a vacation (PRAISE THE LORD). And in true Southern fashion, we are going to Tybee Island, GA, with a stop along the way in my other favorite Southern mountain town - Asheville, NC.

3. I'm trying to get healthy. I try very hard to avoid the terms "lose weight" or "get more toned". While both of those are truly lovely goals, I just want to feel better in my own skin. I want more energy, I want to feel overall better, and I want to still be able to fit in my pants by my 30th birthday. Take note ladies, after 25 things start to not work as well as they used to… your metabolism being one of them. So from 2014 on, my goal is to stop eating like a poor college student (since I'm not anymore), workout more regularly, and make better choices for my life.

As I've been going through all of these life changes, I've asked google tons of questions. Some of them yielded results, like "how to potty train a puppy", but some have not, like "what's the best protein powder for people with acid reflux" or "what does the striped J. Crew Factory maxi dress look like on a human?!?!". That may sound strange, but the struggle is real, y'all. I can't tell you how many times I've hoped to stumble across someone's blog who tells it straight up, no sugar coating, here's-how-it-is.

Anyway, I decided in the last few months to start blogging again. It'll absolutely still have some of the same hilarity that occurs in my life, my very own Pinterest recipe reviews, and new favorite fashion finds, but I also want it to be a place for someone to someday find the answer to their google question. Like, "does Pur Minerals new wine makeup really work?" or "are kettlebell workouts easy?" I feel like sharing my various experiences will help other girls, like me, who are shamelessly trolling the internet for the answers to their first-world problems and general life questions.

Well my dears, I hope you like it! Or at least don't completely hate it...